Can You Be Happily Married—But Still in Love With Your Ex? Well, there are few signs you and your first love aren't done with your romance just yet. And that means you made a commitment to the person you did marry. You still have to deal with the spouse you chose over your lost love years ago, and whatever people and issues the lost love brings with them. If everything comes naturally for the two of you, and you fall into a pattern of mutual respect and love, this is a person you are supposed to be with. I was married and unhappy after 18 years I left,after I had been by myself a few years my first love tracked me down he and I often thought about each other but the years have turned us both into diffrent people It only took 2 encounters with each other to realise we where like chalk and cheese and I havent seen him since This situation is acceptable. Baba, make time. It hurt her too, and as time went on, I think she realised she was rash in making the decision to end things. It was long distance and he couldn't handle it. Although we did not end up together, we are still in touch as friends. There weren’t many of them anyway. I know two reader's dilemmas is on one day is unprecedented, but I couldn't wait the whole weekend to … I was in SS3 when I first became aware of myself to the point of noticing a girl noticing me, you get? Here's how to tell. It is feelings, emotions- it's you! So when did you finally get into a relationship? How were you as a boyfriend? I finished secondary school in 2007. Whether or not you feel that there is a romantic possibility there is up to you guys, but if you're holding on to someone and they're still a major part of your life, it definitely could be the case. Not how I planned but yeah, the universe still gave it to me one way or another. If you have a good feeling about this person, and you have for a while after your relationship, trust it. Made out with one of the 7 girls in my class one time like that. I even cry and have really bad moods which affect my husband. I already could guess when a girl liked me, and surely, I already knew how it feels when I liked someone. We got serious when I was 16 and stayed together for 2 years before he broke up with me. I can't get my first love out of my head I am married with two children but I have never felt as much as I did with him in the magical time we had 20 years ago Annalisa Barbieri He’s my best friend and a great father. However, just because you’re a married man or a woman, it doesn’t mean that you can control your heart. There was this cute medical student I met in 300L. In love with first love from thirty years ago, but he is married. My first love still makes me feel giddy... but we're both married now! Our 31-year-old subject talks about his enduring love for his first girlfriend who is now married to another man. It's hard to forget the first person you shared yourself with emotionally (and most likely physically), and no matter who else comes in to your life, they'll always occupy that spot. We dated for three years when I was a teenager, split up over a misunderstanding and never discussed the situation. We were already talking about getting married. So the hurt was secondary. 9. But if you catch yourself still wondering what that person is up to, and wishing you had them in your life then it most likely isn't over for you. Even if they are in a relationship, committed, engaged or even married, they always have some hope in their hearts that their first love will show up and there still might be a chance for a reunion. Q: Dear Counsellor, I'm 26 and I've been married for a year. Just friendly stuff. The first time you fall in love can feel practically earth shattering. I really wanted her. Long story short, I recently reconnected with my first love. My current wife wants a divorce. This babe opened my eyes up to love, the intense feeling of loving and being loved. You were the Nigerian student of every parent’s dream. But you know, you can always tell that there are things being left unsaid many times. Since the time you were awkward to me in Seb’s driveway and wouldn’t come see me later on that Christmas week when we were both crying on the phone, both loving and hating each other at the same time. I was nearly dead from the stress of school work that I couldn’t think of too much more. I highly recommend this one here. We’re getting married. Tell me how the relationship went. But I also know that if something happened that made I and my first girlfriend single at the same time, I’d seriously consider getting back with her. Even though it's been a few years, starting up again may feel like you're picking up from yesterday. I was in my final year at this point, I think it was just a combination of school work, project, FYB stuff, plenty of things sha. That. These are my thoughts on your question: You are not in love with the person anymore, but you love the feelings you had when you were "in love". I also had few short-lived flings here and there. The idea that people never really forget their first love is typified by today’s #PulseFirstLove. But I know she was the assistant of the babe who used to ring the bell and all that. I was 18, and he was 20. It always has a special place in your heart and you compare all the people who get into a relationship with, with your first love. Went home on break one time, saw her, got blown off my feet. So you’d agree with people who say first love is pretty special? They’d even come to my house after school on Fridays. So you had nothing to do with babes at all? My babe now is even darker than her. … It’s just hard to let go jare. So I obviously had a type until I met her and it just showed me that you know, maybe love can’t really be boxed up in a frame. #PulseFirstLove is a weekly series that captures the emotions people felt, and the motions they went through the first time they tried being in a relationship. We’d go out sometimes to the cinema, laugh, sit around at the mall, go back home and be together again until her mum started calling for her to come home. But she makes me so happy and we’re perfect for each other. But he's still in love with his ex, he came right out and said it and now I feel super insecure in my relationship with him, he's busy most days and when he's around his ex always snags his attention, he's told me when he sees her it's like the first … Too bad the timing was off for her. That’s me being completely honest. People will grow up, and grow apart. His family was moving about 14 hours away. Many people come to a crossroads in their life when they love someone who they are not married to. I saw you yesterday for the first time in a few years. married but still in love with first love When I was 14 I met the love of my life. After a few drinks, you begin tearing. But I didn’t have time to wallow in it. The worst that can happen is you realize maybe it wasn't meant, but at the end of the day you'll feel so much better that you tried. So the relationship didn’t last. It started out as a normal teenage boyf/girlf relationship, but he was unfortunately only here for the summer. But if you feel like you're willing to deal with the good and bad, and being with that person just seems right to you, then chances are it is. It was sweet like that. 2007. So that kinda limited my time searching out babes. We move on. Ahahn. This is not only important for any relationship, but extremely important for starting up again with the first person to grab your heart. After being together for years and years, you might be wondering if your partner is still as crazy about you as he was when you first met. How’s that like, being in love with someone else while engaged to another person? I'm a fond believer of trusting your intuition; I feel that whenever my gut is truly telling me something, if I follow it, things turn out well, and if I don't I almost certainly wish I had. But I will get to it. But then school resumed and the distance between us messed things up. I consider her the precursor to my dating life right now. Since you broke up, whenever you get a little time to relax, you … I love my husband, but I’m not in love with him. Indeed, there is no love like first love. She was in 400L I think. ... A first love is something iconic, something that stays with you for ever. You may move on, get married or even bury our lovely past after the separation, the spark and the emotional feeling for the first love still exists somewhere in the heart. If you can keep an open and honest dialogue, not only will you be able to share how you're feeling for one another still, but it can help you navigate how to continue on with things. We were very much in love, but I broke it off because I felt like I had to date and experience the world. How sweet. Something is obviously still there and I have come to the conclusion that I might need to cut her off completely. Submit your stories now via social or: Thank you! A married man who likes you would not leave any opportunity to talk to you. That was when we really bonded, started the relationship and it was the bulk of it. Love makes people say a lot of rubbish my guy. However I was 18 and he was 27 when we got married. I love my girlfriend a lot. If you're anything like me, you'd probably wondered whether or not you could get back with your first love, and have things finally work out for the two of you; after all, it was so great back then, who's to say it couldn't be even better now? As sure as the sun sets and the moon rises, a kiss at dawn and a kiss at dusk is a sign your spouse is in still madly in love with you. The specialness of the “first love” was in the experience itself, not necessarily the person with whom it was shared – who is now a completely different person. So life moves on. He is my oldest brother's best friend. She would come over to mine, my mum would make her meals because my mum knew her mum and she really liked her. Not expressly. When next you see them, they’ve cleaned up so so nice and have become a grown, full-formed version of the woman they were meant to be? I still love her too, to be honest. Has anyone reconnected with their first love and are now together as you knew they were yoir one true love? A person who commits adultery is … I was looking for companionship and stability. So I know this babe. Call me idealistic, but forces that aren't trying to keep you apart and are instead keeping you together are trying to tell you something. The idea that people never really forget their first love is typified by today’s #PulseFirstLove. She was in Unilag though, and I was in Ife. Someone can end the marriage and later on, find the person they can marry. My current wife told me I'm still married to my first wife in God's eyes. Shit. 2021 Bustle Digital Group. I should have dated that girl sha. Tell me what happened between SS3 and when you finally dated someone. Being married but in love with someone else is something all couples would like to avoid. My friends, and quite a number of girls. My house was The Place. Nothing o. I was such a loser in secondary school. All rights reserved. It does, I guess. Got her number and we kinda became friends from there. I met her when I was 15 years old in high school. But, at the same time, being in love with someone else and dating them while you are still married is cheating and that is not acceptable. I attended a day school and my folks weren’t always around during the day. A Hope to reunite with their First Love A Hope to reunite with their First Love. I think of him all day and I miss him. And maybe this other person is married or single but you are married and you’re in love with this other person but you’re wondering if you should leave your spouse to go be with this other person. So eventually you found the right person and the timing was right, too. By the time I was in 100L, I was already becoming wise small small. They say the greatest relationships feature a melding of two people who will compliment each other. Things slowly got better, but there was still emotional and phyiscal abuse involed until about 3 yrs ago. I want to know if that's true? But by the time she realised this, she was in another relationship. But how did that feel, breaking up after those sweet few months? For the first 8 years of our marriage he lied to me a lot. If you guys ended because it wasn't the right time or place, you may have felt, “this isn't completely over.” Fast forward a few years, and your feelings of what could have been are still lingering, it may be time to finish what you started (or keep it going). We broke up few months later. Yes, you’ve made some vows and never even thought that … But the fact of the matter is, you married this one. And that just wasn’t feasible. I just thought we were all friends and treated them like my guys. Q. I am going to become a father, but I can’t forget the moments we spent together a long time ago. You weren’t saying rubbish sha. Like a whole lot. Married but in love with someone else: I have known a friend, Dave, since college.We always wanted to be more than friends but the timing was never right. Whether things ended with mutual respect, or a bang heard around the world (or at least by your neighbors) your first love is likely something you think about to this day. A lot of pauses and measured words. Particularly now that I am engaged but it is easier said than done sha. Thanks. You know how you know someone when they were little, and in their early teens and you don’t see them for a long time. Absolutely o. Are you still in touch with that your first love? For me, at least. It is the kind of sentimental friendship you would feel for a best friend from way back when. So I stayed off girls in my class. Ah. She’s definitely not ‘my type’ as I would have liked at the time, but who the hell needs a type when happiness comes in different shades? E pain me o, no doubt. So short. It actually makes sense. I would leave school sometimes to go be with her in UNILAG for a weekend. I was the assistant senior prefect, she was the assistant bell ringer I think. Obviously it was in secondary school. That’s an interesting summary. Yeah. It's about being in love one second, and hating the other person irrevocably afterwards. I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t understand that I was busy and couldn’t make as much time. Ok. Ah. Schalke lose to Cologne despite goal from in-form Hoppe, Bayern maintain Bundesliga lead with win over Augsburg, Pirlo wins first trophy as Juventus beat Napoli in Italian Super Cup, Man City move into first place after late show sinks Villa. And for some, you may catch yourself thinking about that former special-someone a lot more than you'd like. Join the For 3 yrs we enjoyed some piece and quiet and had a fairly good marriage. My 1st love and I dated for 6 years off and on, since I was 12 and he was 13. That’s what happened. But then her relationship got a lot more serious and we had to stop. You know what they say, your first love is always the hardest to get over and I don't think my feelings for Cat will ever fully go away. I think the word you were looking for is time keeper, by the way. After a time away from each other, you'll start to have experiences outside of your life together, and as a person you'll change and evolve. Lmao. School work didn’t make it hurt that much. Before you tell me about that. How was she as a girlfriend? First let me say this, I am one of those people who believe that it is easy to love more than one person at once. Get all First Love Stories here. It is a commitment not just to love your partner, but to be faithful to your partner. But I am engaged too. My first love made a huge impression on me. I have been married before my current wife and I divorce my first wife and ask God for forgiveness. Julia, 31 and Tobias, 31 from Australia Antonio Petronzio Eyewitness? Love is what's within you. There were also one or two seriously liking me in my class then too. Back then it may not have worked out because the odds were just stacked against you two, but suddenly you're both in a better place ready for a long-term relationship. I didn’t know what love truly was. Lol. This goes along with the whole “unfinished business” situation. If they're feeling the same vibes that you are, it's likely that now is your moment. But we talked after a while of being angry with each other and ended up hooking up a lot after sha. For some reason, I had so many girls liking me. Images: Flickr/Susanne Nilsson; Giphy (9). Love from one assistant prefect to another. Your First Love is Powerful. I was in love. I have to admit. But lowkey she wanted us to get back together after a while. I’d cancel plans with my friends, tell them I wasn’t at home just so no one would interrupt our time together. I liked it. The two of … I know, right. [ 19 Answers ] This is complicated. Check out Bustle's 'Save The Date' and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV. It led to awkward things afterwards. The best part of the relationship was one ASUU strike that lasted like 6 months plus it coincided with part of my IT year. Like, a lot. Tried to give love a chance with her but she was so, so busy and actually uninterested in love at the time. So I have always been a sucker for light skinned girls. You have successfully subscribed to receive our newsletter pulse.ng, First Love of a man still stuck in the past, Don't miss a thing, get the latest updates to fuel your conversation daily. It's even more telling, though, if that person still seems to occupy your mind if things are going well with other people. No. Omo, I don dey old o. Guy, na confirm. How could I have forgotten that? I guess we were both chilled. The night I realized you might only love the idea of me after so much long distance. You've Kept In Touch After All This Time. We don't forget. I always compare my wife with her and find much dissatisfaction in my heart. Yeah. So. He puts his lady above anything else, maybe above his family and friends too. If you've moved on with your life, and have dated other people, but your first is still on your mind, you're still feeling very strongly about them. IllicitEncounters, a British dating site for married people, ran a survey of their own and found that out of a random pool of 1,000 people, 25 percent are still with their first love. "Sabi"   clique, By clicking again you agree to our And he always came back every summer to see me. First love getting married on July 23, 2020: My first love was a crazy one. It never clicked. But how exactly do you know if it's right, or if you're holding on to something from the past that just isn't destined to pan out? privacy policy and European users agree to data transfer policy. So we did one or two things on and off for a little while before everything fizzled out. LMAO! I have been married for three years but I just can’t forget my first girlfriend, who is also married with kids. Lmao. We have kids, and that was the biggest reason we tried to make things work. I never got over my first love 40 years later I'm still thinking about her. He loves talking to you. Lol. I want our marriage to work but she isn't in love with me anymore, but she still love … Like, everyone used to come over. Yeah, for like a year. A man's first love is always selfless and unconditional. She needed that constant attention like she had when we were on strike. Time keeper! It's easy for us to default to the past when we're not happy with the present, but if the past is still lingering even when we're happy with our now, chances are we aren't done with it in some way. We kinda grew up together in the same neighbourhood. Hi, I'm currently dating a man and he's a wonderful guy, he really is. It really put a strain on the relationship. We speak from time to time. They have every right to be happy. Please don’t laugh at me. However, I'm still in love with my ex. I have been married for almost 12 years. It never clicked that many of those girls liked me. Yeah. But when things don't work out, he is lost. Haha. She’s married now and still in love with me. This is major. First time you ever had a crush on someone or that anyone ever had a crush on you. I have had a life-long friendship with my first love. But then I studied elect elect and there were very few girls in my class and I was trying to be a great student who always read and focused and went to church in my spare time. You know all those babes I talked about hooking up with in Uni? All of a … The next step: find out if it isn't over for them, and figure out where to go from there. I've always believed that people are in our life for a reason; some will come and go, but those who are meant to be there will find a way to stay. Each time I wrote of a love story, my own first love came to mind. You finally found happily ever after. She was in school too and had a lot of time on her hands regardless, so she shouldn’t understand how I could be as busy as I always said I was. I think that was the closest I got to dating. Therefore, comparing the immature, fairy-tale representation based on teenage love with real-life married love over a period of years is not reasonable. It may sound obvious, but if you're ready to rekindle the flame, and your former flame is not, chances are things won't go as planned. I feel you. I am not sure if that’s what the title is. If you and your first love are in pretty consistent communication, even though it's been years, and you guys have a pretty solid friendship, that's extremely telling. Ah, your first love: that special someone who stole your heart first, and if you're being fully honest with yourself, probably still has it. We talked very often after he left. But hey, I was in SSS3, I was young and really dumb. This isn't to say a relationship is work; it's always going to be work, no matter how well you guys go together. Married but still in love with my first love? But, if you find that despite having grown, you still care about and respect the person they have become, there is a longevity there that cannot be denied. I fell in love with her instantly, but she was a mormon and that caused a lot of conflicts in our relationship. Also, it'll help you get over those humps that you couldn't seem to overcome the first time. So many shared experiences make for great fun in reminiscing. But it wasn’t enough. I've always believed that people are in our life for a reason; … When things do n't work out, he really is trust it it to me a lot more than 'd... 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