He doesn't introduce you to his family or friends. We don't cuddle cause he tells me "don't start getting all these feelings" we don't kiss or do anything while his kids, his family, my family r around. But if the phases get longer and don’t seem to pass, and unsettling feelings of discontent and weariness grow stronger, you should ask yourself whether the relationship is the right one for you. More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. You fight yourself to choose a side--you either love him or … That means you love him, and don’t ask further. When I said “I love you” it didn’t … However, he still wants to keep seeing me. When a man says he doesn’t want a relationship – believe him. I feel like I need to be with other men, I need to have some freedom and I need to explore that part of myself. To be clear, I like him dearly but I feel like I'm being unfair to him... Part of me wonders why I am not diving into a relationship with him, or if I'm being selfish by wanting more than just him. Press J to jump to the feed. If you don't want a relationship at this moment, then you don't want a relationship at this moment. I am sure he wants what he wants in the time being but wonder how that could change as he grows older. My home is my sanctuary. He’s probably not that into you if he isn’t showing effort. You both want very different things. In fact, this time we've been seeing I've not seen anyone, But I KNOW myself, The urge is looming. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. This weighs on me because I have a fear of that looming urge to see someone else and how that would hurt him. The first thing that you associate with love is probably butterflies in the … I'm sure he feels those genuinely but I also feel that honestly, I'm not that great lol. I knew -deep down- that I didn’t love him. Which makes me feel guilty that I am stringing this man along. The only one younger than me. You don’t bail on him when the times get tough. And yes, then you take a breather and figure out what you want in life. (This includes not being available to men who withdraw, pull away, are confused, don’t know what they want, need space and time…etc.) You feel full stop, whether you want it or not. Do you want to be with your partner for the person they are, truly, right here and now? If his party dance used to get you all hot and bothered … Hello, I (28M) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about 4 months now. I think he is incredibly attractive, sweet, romantic and cares about me a lot. All this is not helped by the fact that while we love ourselves, I think he likes me more than I do him. He said that he has this wall built up and he wants to let me in but he just can’t. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. From the beginning I told him I was not looking for anything serious. He should understand. I typically date older to much older men (up to 25 years my senior). Step 1. As much as you’d like to be in a relationship with him, he clearly isn’t sure whether he wants to or not if he isn’t putting in the effort. You're Afraid Of Disappointing Them. I don't want to settle for second best. In fact, this time we've been seeing I've not seen anyone, But I KNOW myself, The urge is looming. … Create a boundary of not being available for men who don’t want to be in a relationship with you by expressing how you really feel. He is a very handsome man, and when I compare him to anybody else I would still choose him, but sometimes I can’t even stand him kissing me. He is the youngest person I have ever been with. What happened: You are kind of a couple, … I consider care to be a form of love. Hello, I (28M) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about 4 months now. However, he still wants to keep seeing me. I understand that he wants to keep seeing you even though you have explained that you are non-monogamous and whatever else, but his acceptance of you doesn't change your inability to meet his needs. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! The only one younger than me. From the beginning I told him I was not looking for anything serious. It’s normal, in the sense that it isn’t pathological nor anything like that, nor is it the rarest thing on Earth. My opinion is that you are overthinking this. He is a catch in many regards. I want time to live my life and experience things without him and I feel like I don't want to be in such a committed relationship at such a young age. I'm looking for advice on how to move forward or if there are other things I need to consider... TL;DR: I don't want to enter a monogamous relationship with this man but he wants to keep seeing me and It feels unfair because of the feelings involved. I told him that I do not want to be the one to heal him. Simple. You don’t want to be alone because you hear horror stories, and it took you so long just to find him. Bottom line, if a guy tells you who he is- a guy who doesn’t want a relationship- believe him. To be clear, I like him dearly but I feel like i'm being unfair to him... Part of me wonders why I am not diving into a relationship with him, or if I'm being selfish by wanting more than just him. Cookies help us deliver our Services. But we've come so close that I can understand why he feels like taking the next step. I think that you can … I think he is incredibly attractive, sweet, romantic and cares about me a lot. You’d rather be in a subpar relationship, hoping that that person morphs into exactly what you want. Some people don’t consider that men want a little romance too. Some are more romantic than others, so figure out where your guy fits in. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Sally LeBoy, MS, MFT – www.sallyleboymft.com I’d carry on with your life. I love him but I don't want a relationship with him and I don't know what to do Hello, I (28M) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about 4 months now. As much as he hurt me, I can't let go of what we had before these issues occured. I don’t want to be together 24/7. You have a fear of being tied down. In the beginning of a relationship, things are normally … [Read: How to make a guy fall in love with you: 21 ways to charm him] #5 Say thank you and leave. I want to better myself right now. But I feel it would be patronising for me to say that to him. But we've come so close that I can understand why he feels like taking the next step. I am sure he wants what he wants in the time being but wonder how that could change as he grows older. It’s like the old fable of the frog and scorpion. To engage with him physically is to also engage with him romantically. He has decided that he can’t be in a relationship … Part of me wonders why I am not diving into a relationship with him, or if I'm being selfish by wanting more than just him. Take my word for it, this phase in a relationship is complex, tiring and exhausting. Don't fall into the trap of committing to a version of a mate that isn't real. Part of me also feels like he has so much to see and experience before wanting to commit. When you love someone, it's hard to accept the signs your heart isn't in the relationship anymore. You already told him that you don’t want a casual relationship so why reiterate it. Not trying to be self deprecating but I'm just an OK guy. 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