It just becomes something more entertaining. We haven't tried that for a while. 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Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. 65th Birthday Birthday Wishes Funny Birthday Friends Husband Advertising God Birthday Funny Catholic Humanity Driving Addiction Smile World Movies Reason Libraries Lies. Famous Quotes by George Carlin about Politics. It is time to sing and dance, and it is time for birthday bumps! Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. "George Carlin (1937-2008): Legendary Comedian Challenged Status Quo Throughout 50-Year Career". Show more. War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrheadoes that mean that 1 enjoys it? Born in New York in 1937, George Carlin was an American comic icon, actor, social critic, and author. By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh. That's exactly what I want you to think. Its just soft., Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. BrainyQuote has been providing inspirational quotes since 2001 to our worldwide community. 500 matching entries found. "He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.". I'm also 55 and 21 and three. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. 1."Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. I wanna live. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. In a career that spanned over 50 years, what remained constant was his opinionated nature and take no prisoners approach to comedy. 1999. Birthday Quotes - BrainyQuote //]]>, by Quotezine Team November 3, 2013, 10:53 pm. Tony Abbott. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 54 decision affirmed the government's power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves (wikipedia). No money to be made off of the homeless. But he loves you. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. 60 really looks great on you! . Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. Oftentimes, tasks can sometimes [] More, 99% of passengers couldnt identify this world class musician, Joshua Bell, a world class violinist, decides to play the violin for 45 minutes in a busy train station. Create amazing picture quotes from George Carlin quotations. The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it, because you've lost your identity, because you now owe your allegiance to this thing that's bigger than you are and that controls you. Did you hear me? Show more. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. 125 George Carlin Quotes. If youre looking for a glimpse of what George Carlins comedy gigs look like, here is a masterpiece from his HBO special known as the Life Is Worth Living. Its an amazing and hilarious 10 minute clip offering a highlight of what this guy was capable of. Share with friends. It is time to party! I like Florida. Famous Birthday Quotes From the Famous - ThoughtCo Below are the absolute best quotes we could find from this legendary comedians career. Wishing you a lot of surprises and happiness on your 65th Birthday. American TIME takes a look at some of the legendary comedian's most memorable lines. What does it mean to pre-board? The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Related Topics. I hate a group of people with a 'common purpose'. I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. May your birthday bring you good luck to last for the whole year. What started as a bad first impression, became an invitation to join the football team, and a mentor who would impact his life forever. Happy Birthday. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse. Michelle Quinteros is a pop culture and lifestyle writer with a fancy degree from McMaster University. If I cared about Mickey Mouse's birthday I would have memorized it years ago! I just love you too much. It's your birthday! We just can't stop people from being homeless if that's their choice. I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade., I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. George Carlin. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.". Be happy with what you've got, because the owners of this country don't want that. George Carlin Quotes About Language | A-Z Quotes Hey'It's your 60th birthday!' I'm talking about the real owners now the real owners. I'm taking your birthday as an opportunity to thank you for all that you are to me. Carlin and his older brother, Pat, were primarily raised by their mother in Manhattan's Morningside Heights neighborhood. At 68 I'm every age I ever was. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. Who said youre sixty? Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. Showing search results for "George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes" sorted by relevance. Every wrinkle has its story. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.". People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born May 12, 1937, in the Bronx, New York. Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. It always has been. He loves you. "In America, anyone can become president. The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done. Every table had an argument going. You have no choice. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? We have the war on crime, the war on, There is a mistake in the text of this quote. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? "People are wonderful one at a time. George Carlin (2015). Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. You must have a lot of stories to tell. This post is not only a celebration to everything he stood for, but a reminder that some of the most powerful messages we receive in life can come from the most unlikely places. I hate groups of people. A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it's not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, George Carlin (2002). And armbands. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.". Discover George Carlin quotes about language. I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, p.205, Hachette UK. We're coming for you! "Don't just teach your children to read. Home. ":"&")+"url="+encodeURIComponent(b)),f.setRequestHeader("Content-Type","application/x-www-form-urlencoded"),f.send(a))}}},s=function(){var b={},d=document.getElementsByTagName("IMG");if(0==d.length)return{};var a=d[0];if(! The planet is fine . Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.25.Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.26.Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?27.How is it possible to have a civil war?28.War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower-class men off to die.29.Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.30.Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. George Carlin Birthday Quotes, Quotations & Sayings 2022 George Carlin (2002). Custom and user added quotes with pictures, If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball, When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" 2."Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. George Carlin was an outspoken comic, known for his brash sense of humor, foul language and controversial views on politics, religion and other sensitive subjects. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. What George Carlin Believed About Religion One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.2.Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Thats the whole meaning of life: Not dying! Maybe this time itll work., 31.If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders.32.Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. "The planet is fine. The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. Weve added years to life, not life to years.16.Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.17.When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. May you have them both. It was this attitude that earned him 14 HBO specials, 4 Grammys, number 2 on Comedy Centrals 100 best comedians list and a legion of fans around the world. "The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.". Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason. He had an uncanny ability to cut through the clutter of everyday life, and for this, we want to honor this man with our favorite inspirational quotes from George Carlin. Deal with it.". Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. William Butler Yeats: "From our birthday, until we die, / Is but the winking of an eye." Plato: "Old age: A great sense of calm and freedom. 218 Copy quote. Source: Brain Droppings. 500 matching entries found. Custom and user added quotes with pictures. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat., You know an odd feeling? Submit Quote George Carlin On Birthdays Quotes & Sayings Showing search results for "George Carlin On Birthdays" sorted by relevance. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.35.By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.36.How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette?37.Religion is just mind control.38.Dont give your money to the church. 1.Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. 87 Best George Carlin Quotes On Education, Politics & Life His parents split up when he was an infant because his . Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time, George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other taboo subjects. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Thank God people dont age as fast as other creatures, because otherwise youd be gone by now. Ally Carter. Tweet. I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. It seems only right. I gravitated toward being a funny guy. If it makes you feel better, fine. My heart felt wishes and blessings are coming your way on the wonderful occasion of your birthday. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free. You know an odd feeling? Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. // On your birthday, I promise to keep all your secrets, to flood you with gifts and never to miss a chance to make you smile. I will pray that you receive more than you have hoped for this birthday. But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? Because there's no money in that problem. The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. This significance of this day is beyond just your birthday. Book by George Carlin, 2004. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesnt want you to do. If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. Cars are a fairly unpleasant thing to have to draw. Commentdocument.getElementById("comment").setAttribute("id","ad25fff6afc452fed4d50cd58278ff8c");document.getElementById("i20ae56af4").setAttribute("id","comment"); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Best of Carlin On Weather. He was born on May 12th, 1937 in Manhattan, New York and passed away on June 22nd, 2008 due to heart failure. Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom. I felt better right away. Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. The people are f**ked.58.If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.59.Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.60.I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. At least in the case of UFOs there have been countless taped and filmed and, by the way, unexplained sightings from all over the world, along with documented radar evidence seen by experienced military and civilian radar operators.>>. 500 matching entries found. At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. I think your value is priceless. "Life Is Worth Losing". 500 matching entries found. "Orange Is the New Black Geek Is the New Chic 60 Is the New?" tags: humor , sci-fi , sleep. TIME takes a look at some of the legendary comedian's most memorable lines . 500 matching entries found. 65th Birthday Birthday Wishes Funny Birthday Friends Husband Advertising God Birthday Funny Catholic Humanity Driving Addiction Smile World Movies Reason Libraries Lies. Brain Droppings, Hyperion. We have the war on crime, the war on That's the problem." "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." " Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity ." "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." Live album by George Carlin, 1988. There's a humorous side to every situation. Turning partly light by morning." (as Al . Get ready for your Birthday prank today as well. What does it mean to pre-board? George Carlin American Comedian born on May 12, 1937, died on June 22, 2008 George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. died on June 22, 2008, George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. Maybe this time it'll work. Selfish, Leader, Ignorant. Custom and user added quotes with pictures. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts.18.In America, anyone can become president. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Tom, Id like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy. These days, Trajedi.63.If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?. Happy Birthday to the most lovable and adorable star on this planet. If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. been here 4 1/2 billion years. Voltaire. May your 60th Birthday be as magnificent as you are. "If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.". You are just turning 20 for the third time. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for the existence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. George Carlin. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?, Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it., Religion has convinced people that theres an invisible manliving in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. There is nothing wrong with the planet. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. Birthday Quotes - BrainyQuote. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. We havent tried that for a while. Happy 60th Birthday filled with lot of happiness and joy! Share with your friends. I will never be able to forget the support that you have given me. The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity, I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. There is a mistake in the text of this quote. 65th Birthday Birthday Wishes Funny Birthday Friends Husband Advertising God Birthday Funny Catholic Humanity Driving Addiction Smile World Movies Reason Libraries Lies. George Carlin. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? George Carlin Happy Birthday Quotes - Wise Famous Quotes Every table had an argument going. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. There are some secrets we keep because we can't bear to let them out and some because it's better to keep them in. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Carlin put a new spin on what comedy was and how it could impact high-scale decisions. TOP 25 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN (of 976) | A-Z Quotes Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.48.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.49.So, have a little fun. Happy Birthday to you! His life and work have become influential in a lot of aspects, leaving a legacy of laughs, wisdom and valuable lessons. And in addition to keeping us entertained, his material inspired us to question the world around us and to believe in our opinions despite how unpopular they might be. What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. 86 Copy quote. That's our history. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. Funny, Sarcastic, Witty. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? I'm not just 68. 500 matching entries found. George Carlin. It is time to party! I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. The Strange Afterlife of George Carlin - The New York Times Do you get on before you get on? I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.40.Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.41.Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes.42.I have as much authority as the Pope. Do you get on before you get on? Related Topics. Everything is in the 80s. May your smile get brighter with each passing year. When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? You know an odd feeling? If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. 70 Wise Quotes From George Carlin George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. May your birthday be as sweet as you are. Youve seen or experienced a lot of wonderful things all these years. But he loves you. If you can find a solution to homelessness where the corporations and politicians can make a few million dollars each, you will see the streets of America begin to clear up pretty damn quick! I don't do that, why, don't give a shit! One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. If you have quotes you would like us to cover, please contact us. August 26, 2013. - George Carlin. God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well. 70 Wise Quotes From George Carlin | Inspirationfeed You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets.supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain. Maybe this time it'll work. Im Alice Judy and AnQuotes is a fun hobby for me. If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. I love individuals. Happy Birthday! If youre born in America you get a front row seat.23.Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.24.I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. 125 Best George Carlin Quotes on Life - Parade George Carlin's Estate, via HBO. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion. There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. More, by Quotezine Team April 5, 2018, 5:42 pm, Do that every single day, and soon you have a wall, In this video, Will Smith delivers an inspiring speechdiscussing a lesson he learned while working for his fathers construction business. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another. He's the subject of a new documentary. When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. 900 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN [PAGE - 2] | A-Z Quotes There's no present. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. George Carlin Quotes about Stuff - Lib Quotes Want to learn more about George Carlin from his own words? 500 matching entries found. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. When shes not writing for Quotezine, she can be found excessively quoting The Simpsons or binge watching Netflix. May your birthday be as sweet as you are. However, he is mostly known for his dark comedy that sheds light on a variety of subjects like politics, psychology, taboo subjects, religion and the English language. Age, Pay, Hell. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. His stand up routines have covered everything from politics and religion to relationships and the world around us. Top 10 George Carlin Quotes. And I'd send him a card, 'Dear Mickey, Happy Birthday, Love George'. cancer, the war on drugs. It will not be with jack-boots. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. Forget the politicians. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, Hyperion. June 24, 2008. . In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. - George Carlin. Happy 65th Birthday! If you want to know more or withdraw your consent to all or some of the cookies, please refer to the. George Carlin quote: Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. George Carlin On Birthdays Quotes, Quotations & Sayings 2022 George Carlin Quotes On Birthdays. QuotesGram John Allison. He was born May 12, 1937, in New York City into an Irish Catholic family, but he rejected the faith. Happy 60th Birthday! Best George Carlin Quotes of All Time - LiveAbout There's no present. I'm taking your birthday as an opportunity to thank you for all that you are to me. George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes Quotes & Sayings .